When two people share a living space, there will inevitably be one who values order and neat surroundings more than the other. The play-turned-sit-com, The Odd Couple, made us laugh at the extreme case of roommates having to adjust to each other’s idiosyncrasies.
Who do you relate to more: Felix the neat fanatic or Oscar the easygoing slob? Each character had his strengths and weaknesses. Oscar could more readily enjoy life and relate to people. On the other hand, Felix was uber-responsible and made sure that Oscar did not starve or drown in his trash.
Felix was never able to get Oscar to pick up after himself. Oscar couldn’t convince Felix to get over his cleanliness fetish enough to make room for the humanity and imperfections of others. Yet, in each episode one partner grew a little by learning from the other.
Often I hear the question, “How can you motivate someone else to get organized?” The two-word answer is a resounding, “YOU can’t!”
Other words for exterior motivation are: coercion, intimidation, bribery, and “reward system.”
These are the tools we parents use to get children to do what we think is best. The plan being that children will one day know how to maintain body hygiene, have good manners, keep their living conditions healthy, get along with others… in general know how to take care of themselves.
At some point, exterior motivation becomes less effective (could it be during the teen years?!!) and interior motivation kicks in as the driving force. That is a fancy way of saying that once an adult, a person will do what he/she WANTS to do.
In the world of a professional organizer, that means any success helping a client save hours, dollars, and frustration is dependent upon a client’s inner motivation to make some changes. If someone calls because a friend or relative said she should get organized, a red flag goes up. I will even go so far as to tell someone that unless he is willing to let go of the things that are holding him back, he is wasting my time and his money!
Can you motivate someone else to get organized or to make any other major change in life? NO WAY! Respect for a person includes respecting his/her choices in life, while standing ready to lend a helping hand if asked.
