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Are You Resilient?

Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

Have you felt like your life was out of control and looked for who or what to blame? Then, in time, you got past that crisis and felt pretty good about simply surviving in the midst of great difficulty! I (Martha) have been in both situations. I think that is why I identified so strongly with Patsy Deerhake’s article in her wellness coaching newsletter Wellness Within Reach.

On Resilience by Guest Blogger Patsy Deerhake:

My husband tells me that the term “stress” is an old and tired concept. I agree that people may be tired  of hearing about stress. I know I get tired of hearing how stressed people are when it appears they are stuck and unwilling to move forward. It seems to me when people complain of stressors; they are in “victim” mode. They often just accept their plight without taking action.

Even those who cope well with stress are often in “survivor” mode. They’re just muddling through the situation and feel little control. I like to suggest to people who are experiencing stress that they choose the “thrive” mode. In this mode an unfortunate turn of events becomes a challenge, not a calamity.

Resilience is a concept that can move us beyond playing victim or even just surviving. Resilience is the ability to rebound from a difficult situation. When we are resilient, we are able to bend without breaking. Resilience may be developed and strengthened with practice.

Highly resilient people have been described as having stress‐resistant personalities and are able to learn from their experiences. Some qualities that increase resilience include healthy relationships, adaptability, emotional maturity, sense of humor, acceptance of others, creative problem‐solving, resourcefulness, openness and optimism.

Resilience is demonstrated by those who are able to rebound from difficult experiences, often by taking a unique perspective that allows them to see the opportunities a change in circumstances creates. It’s the ability to reject the victim mentality or even the role of survivor and discover ways to thrive in spite of a setback.

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Patsy Deerhake of Wellness Within Reach is passionate about empowering women who are juggling career, household and family to create the time and energy to get the lives they want and deserve.  She sees moms and caregivers trying to do it all – to be Superwoman. “I am a recovering Superwoman,” Patsy admits. Patsy works with clients to give up their frazzled, harried lifestyles and achieve greater quality of life.

To find out how to succeed without the cape, request The Superwoman’s Guide to Getting What You Want Without Losing What’s Important, a FREE report that outlines a six step process to help women assess what they want in their lives and take an initial step forward.

25 Tips for Less Stress

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

Stress happens.  Sometimes there is no way to avoid it.  Other times we create it ourselves with overloaded schedules, ridiculously high expectations, and the defeating self-talk we listen to.

This list is from  a tattered piece of paper entitled 101 Strategies for Coping with Stress that I keep stuck in my Bible. I can’t give credit to anyone for these tips since I can’t remember who gave it to me, and there is no reference given on the sheet.

Please read these out loud, speaking to yourself alone (hopefully no one is around to see you talking to yourself again!) I hope these tips will lift you up and remind you that you have the power to choose…

  1. Remember you have the gift of memory for pleasant times.
  2. Enjoy nature… the wonders in your yard, the sky, the sea, the desert, the mountains, everything.
  3. Start sharing responsibilities.
  4. Listen to people…really listen.
  5. Compromise occasionally and you may really be the winner.
  6. Stop being always available for running errands.
  7. Sing.
  8. Dance.
  9. Take some time off.
  10. Be honest about how you feel.
  11. Begin living now.
  12. Stop living in the future/past.
  13. List your successes.
  14. Make friends with people who like themselves.
  15. Learn to accept what you cannot change.
  16. Let other people run their own lives.
  17. Develop your personal talents.
  18. Give yourself permission to be afraid of failure and success.
  19. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
  20. Get enough rest.
  21. Stop looking for someone or something to blame.
  22. Analyze problems, figure out what can be done, then take action immediately.
  23. Talk about your strengths…to yourself.
  24. Control food input; eat nutritionally.
  25. Ask for help in a straightforward way.

I especially need these reminders around the holidays. One last exhortation from me: Be kind to yourself.

Banish Holiday Stress

Friday, November 6th, 2009

The holidays are a great time to connect with family and friends, relaxing and strengthening ties. There are also extra pressures that can cause stress and frustration.

The trigger could be money, “How can I afford this gift?”; family relationships, “Not another family meal hearing Uncle Ned’s medical history!”; or still painful grieving, “We always held the holiday get togethers at Grandma’s; it just won’t be the same without her!”

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Life Changes Are Stressing Me Out!

Monday, September 28th, 2009

There’s one thing on this earth that will never change: everything is changing.

Some change is really good.  The leaves’ changing to beautiful colors signals a drop in temperature that is always refreshing after the heat of summer.

Seeing children grow out of those annoying phases into respectful and caring people is a wonderful change to witness.

Normal is Just...

Then there are changes that suck all your energy and make you wonder if there is any hope for a return to normal (whatever normal is… Patsy Clairmont says Normal is a Setting on Your Dryer!)

The American Massage Therapy Association has a computer-scored version of a Life Change Stress Test on their website.  This test was was developed by Dr. Thomas H. Holmes and Dr. Richard H. Rahe.  Scoring is in LCU’s (Life Change Units) with ranges for low, medium and high stress.  Of course, a massage will always help!

By all means, take the test.  If you score more than 300 at least you will feel justified in feeling claustrophobic, trapped, and like you are in a tunnel with no light ahead.  I’ve been there.

Now look at the things you checked on your list.  Is there one you can influence or reverse?  Is there a circumstance that a professional can help you with?  That might be a doctor, a psychologist, a teacher/tutor, or even a professional organizer.  Don’t be a lone ranger, get help!

Maybe the help you need is the listening ear of a friend.  Write down a list of your friends and call one per day.  Every friend can field one call per week.  If not, you need a new friend.

One really good thing about change? Nothing lasts forever.  The sun’ll  come out tomorrow -  Little Orphan Annie.   Tomorrow is another day -  Scarlet O’Hara.   Most of the stress factors  listed are short term.  You will see light in the tunnel soon.  Hangeth thou in there.  We are in this change thing together.