Christmas, Hanukah and other “holy” days can be wonderful times of celebrating with family and friends. At the same time, stress and depression can creep in due to unrealistic expectations, over-commercialization, financial stress, over commitment, and procrastination.
Most of us have felt sad, stressed, or depressed at one time around the holidays. It happens when our grand expectations meet up with the reality of family squabbles, disappointing gifts, and large credit card bills.
There is a way to celebrate the holidays with purpose and confidence. You can be proactive and cope with holiday stressors by 1) keeping expectations manageable, 2) setting realistic goals, and 3) organizing your time/ pacing yourself.
Keep Expectations Manageable: It is helpful to examine your thinking surrounding the holiday your family will celebrate. Ask yourself – “What do I ‘expect’ or ‘wish for’ during this holiday?” Write it down. Is it…
- A family gathering complete with harmonious relationships?
- Feelings of peace and well-being?
- Cards and letters from old friends?
- Receiving the gifts you hinted at or just plain asked for?
- Being able to cook and bake the traditional foods you remember?
- Sharing time with friends and neighbors?
Now next to each of your ‘wish for’ statements, write how likely that is to happen, choosing from these three possibilities:
What if none of those things happen? Can you be content? I like this paragraph from Mental Health America:
Leave “yesteryear” in the past and look toward the future. Life brings changes. Each season is different and can be enjoyed I its own way. Don’t set yourself up [for disappointment] in comparing today with the “good ol’ days.”
Sometimes it is helpful to lower your expectations in order to be pleasantly surprised when something you hope for comes true.
Set Realistic Goals: Do you know what your priorities are? If you can’t answer in 2 seconds or less, give yourself 2 minutes with paper and pencil to quickly answer the question – “What is truly important to me?” Now number your top three with #1 being your first priority, then #2 and so on.
How well do your holiday activities fit in with your beliefs and priorities? Next to your top three priorities, write your Holiday Intention – what activity do you CHOOSE to do that will further your goal in that area?
For example: If you listed FAMILY as being a top priority, your goal may be to raise children who know they are loved unconditionally. Your holiday activity might be to write each child a “love note” describing their strengths and the positive character traits you have seen in their life.
Part of this process is looking at your holiday traditions to see if they pass the “So what?” test. Does that tradition support one of your top 3 priorities? What is the worst thing that could happen if you did not attempt it this year?
Do you feel like I do? I look at my busyness and think I am missing out on opportunities to listen to the people I love. Perhaps it is time to scale back on non-essentials like decorating to impress and baking enough to last for 3 months.
Choose 2-3 activities to include in your holiday celebrations that best represent your beliefs and priorities. Remember that time with people will always trump money, status, and stuff!
Organize Your Time and Pace Yourself: Your next step is to break down each project/activity into smaller tasks.
In our example, the first task is to choose stationery or a note card. Second, write “love note”. Third, find a fun and unexpected way to deliver it.
List each task that must be completed. Be sure to identify the SNA’s, see my blog post, and prepare to do those tasks first. Now schedule those tasks on your calendar.
Good work! You have solidified your Holiday Intention and each supporting task is on your calendar. I hope you can see how doable your holiday plans are now that you have prioritized, cut non-essentials, and have spread the remaining tasks over the next 4 weeks.
One more thing: DO NOT PROCRASTINATE! If you put off getting started, you are really making a conscious decision to submarine your efforts. Why? Only a mental health professional can answer that one.
